Ma'am, Put the Phone DOWN!

The palm is itching, but not to spank a would be lover.  It itches to text, call or FB the former.  Trusted council demands:  put the phone down!  And I consider once again the delete key option.  The Delete Key, my modern, digital solution for saying Fuck You without ever uttering a word.  Oh, yeah... you want to be like that, send an email like that, be a tool like that?  Well take this you, you... you imbecile:  DELETE.  And poof!  Gone forever as long as I remember to delete or empty the delete folder.  


The Delete Key... also a knee jerk reaction.  A child's response to not GETTING WHAT I WANT RIGHT NOW!  What does a child want?  Attention.  Because somewhere in the architecture of my mind one or two scores ago I collapsed attention for love.  


Trusted (and some not so trusted) friends echo this sentiment:

• If I looked back through history to list what I found attractive in men, what would the common denominator be to their qualities.  What if I picked the opposite quality in the future?
• Reflecting on the ex and those before and since:  what do I notice (not that I have to dive into the big question of WHY).
• You want what you cannot have and if you get it you become bored.  

A week of reflection and survey says:  unavailable.  

In descending order:  R, P (legs Played Part One), D, B, A and Rob before all of that.  Unavailable because of lack of interest, lack of emotional availability, inability to  generate income, engagement or marriage to another.  When was the last time someone was truly available?  Was it 1991?  '93 maybe?  Hmm, I knew it and yet I didn't. 

So the opposite quality?  Available.  What does that look like I wonder.  I haven't a single clue, but just like you can start to uncover what you DO WANT by identifying what you DON'T WANT, I can start with taking a sharp right turn from the people (men) who share even the briefest utterance of the following: I have trust issues, I'm unhappy in my marriage, I've never wanted marriage or kids... blah, blah, blah.  And then continue by realizing that what B once said is the eternal truth.  Attention isn't love.